▶ PLAY SP CH 03 0:00:12
CH 03
IS THIS YOUR MORNING?!
Toast? BURNT.
Eggs? ON THE CEILING.
Coffee? IN YOUR SHOE.
There's GOT to be a better way!
AM 6:47 OCT.16.1994
FOLKS… there IS!
INTRODUCING THE
BREKFAST-
O-TRON 2000™
BREKFAST-
O-TRON 2000™
It fries! It toasts! It brews!
It LAUNCHES!
Breakfast… at the SPEED of SCIENCE!
NEW!
AS SEEN ON CHANNEL 3!
PATENT PENDING*
FOLKS, I'm Chip Cranston, and THIS changed my LIFE!
FRIES ★ TOASTS ★ BREWS ★ LAUNCHES ★ FRIES ★ TOASTS ★ BREWS ★ LAUNCHES ★
FRIES ★ TOASTS ★ BREWS ★ LAUNCHES ★ FRIES ★ TOASTS ★ BREWS ★ LAUNCHES ★
CALL NOW ★ OPERATORS STANDING BY ★ NOT SOLD IN STORES ★ LIMITED TIME ★
CALL NOW ★ OPERATORS STANDING BY ★ NOT SOLD IN STORES ★ LIMITED TIME ★
It's SO EASY, even your DOG could do it!*
*Please do not let your dog do it.
THE MEGA-DIAL™
1
1
LOAD IT!
Eggs, bread, batter, beans. Shells? Leave 'em ON!
2
2
CRANK IT!
Turn the Mega-Dial™ to HUNGRY. Feeling brave? MAXIMUM.
3
3
CATCH IT!
Breakfast flies up to 14 FEET onto your plate!
That's SCIENCE, baby!
WATCH IT
LAUNCH!
▶ PLAY 0:00:42
ZANZIBRITE
3.2
SEC
to breakfast
14
FT
launch range
0
REGRETS*
*some regrets
ZERO DISHES!
14 FT RANGE!
RESULTS NOT TYPICAL!
BEFORE
The OLD Way
6 pans
45 minutes
Smoke alarm
Sadness
Which one would YOU choose?!
AFTER!
The O-TRON Way!
1 machine
3.2 seconds
Built-in smoke alarm silencer
PURE JOY
BUT WAIT…
BUT WAIT…
THERE'S MORE!
THERE'S MORE!
If you call RIGHT NOW…
FREE!
The Egg Helmet™
For when you miss. You WILL miss.
$49.95 VALUE
FREE!
The Toast Catcher's Mitt™
Genuine pleather!
$29.95 VALUE
FREE!
The Pancake Frisbee™
Breakfast AND exercise!
$19.95 VALUE
O-TRON $400.00
+
HELMET $49.95
+
MITT $29.95
+
FRISBEE $19.95
=
That's a
$499.85
VALUE!
Real People.* Real Results.*
“I haven't used a pan since Tuesday!”
— Barb, Toledo-ish
“My breakfast hit the ceiling fan and I LOVED IT.”
— Dwayne & Dwayne
“Finally, eggs at the speed of SCIENCE.”
— Dr. Pam (not that kind of doctor)
“I wear the Egg Helmet to work now.”
— Gary, 41
*Paid actors. Not real people. Not real breakfast.
A $499.85 VALUE…
NOT $199…
NOT EVEN $99…
3 EASY PAYMENTS OF
$19.95!
$19.95!
PLUS FREE SHIPPING & HANDLING*
*Handling is $49.95.
WHAT A DEAL!!
NOW IN 3 RADICAL COLORS!
Radical Raspberry
Totally Teal
Lemon Blast
CALL NOW!
CALL NOW!
OPERATORS STANDING BY
OFFER ENDS IN 00:14:59
CAM 2
LIVE
Operators are standing by — and so am I!
✂ CLIP & MAIL TO: ZANZIBRITE, P.O. BOX 555, CHANNEL 3
OFFICIAL ORDER COUPON
Chip already filled it out for you. You're welcome.
Name
Chip Cranston
chip@channel3.tv
Color
✔ Radical Raspberry
Totally Teal
Lemon Blast
How many eggs do you eat per day?
14 (it's a lot)
☑ Yes, DOUBLE my order!
RUSH MY O-TRON!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Your O-TRON is on its way!*
(*It is not. It is fictional.)
PARODY SITE · NO PAYMENT IS COLLECTED
READ THE FINE PRINT (IF YOU DARE)
- Not for use on boats, planes, or emotional support animals.
- Not a toy, a weapon, or a personality.
- Launch distances measured in a vacuum, with a tailwind.
- Do not aim at grandparents.
- Side effects may include confidence, mild ceiling stains, and spontaneous high-fives.
- Zanzibrite is not responsible for eggs launched into neighboring properties.
- Chip Cranston is not a licensed scientist.
Safety FIRST, folks!